A Love Like This

His LOVE is so unlike any love I've ever known. So steady, so full, so quenching. It is a love that not only fills me from head to toe, it defines me.

While I know that I can't adequately explain the depths of it, I can't help but speak out about it. The feeling is simply too good to keep it to myself. And I don't think I could, even if I tried. It's all over my face.

I am high on my Father's love and I never want to come down.

Today started out like any other ordinary day. Post-call, I woke up in the hospital and made early morning rounds before heading to the office. I spent a few hours there clearing my desk: making phone calls to patients, scheduling surgeries, signing off labs, etc. Nothing special. I made small talk with office staff as they passed in and out to say good morning. Then suddenly I felt the need to stop what I was doing in order to acknowledge an intensely deep feeling that was welling up inside me. My mind shuffled through words for a minute, trying to find one that adequately described what it was I was feeling. Then I found it: CONTENTMENT.

As I moved from the office to the coffee house, to the architect's office, to my living room, to Spanish class, to the gym, to the hospital, and back home again, the feeling not only remained, it grew. And it was joined by feelings of HAPPINESS so intensly powerful that I found myself sitting in the gym parking lot searching my iPod frantically for a song of praise loud enough and joyful enough to match my mood. I simply had to sing!

The first song that jumped out at me was You Found Me , by Big Daddy Weave (follow the link; click on the song player, and turn it up loud!). It's an upbeat song about the magic and power of discovering God's Love for the very first time. It describes the transformation of the soul when the new believer realizes he will never be same again. And, having tasted something so magnificent, the corollary to his discovery is that he would never want to be the same again.

Gripped tightly by arms of grace, the child of God will come to know the paradox of such a stronghold: that amazing freedom is found in His Love. And that not only is His Love the best thing, it is EVERYTHING.

Father, I am so grateful to know TRUE Love, to know YOUR Love. And because of it, I will never be the same.

your daughter,
Renee


So In Love Jeremy Camp (click to play the song)

So many times I've fallen, so many ways I've failed you, so many times I've stepped out on my own. I know I'm undeserving, but I feel You are preserving the only good that I have shown

The only words that I can bring are these very words I sing
To sing to You now...

Cause I am so in love with You
There's nothing else I choose
You've stolen my heart
Yes, I'm all for You

Nothing can separate me from the grace that You gave free I know You'll never let me go
Even though You know my frailties, every single thing about me You show the greatest love that's known

The only word that I can bring Are these very words I sing I sing to You now...

Time and time again You show The depth and love that You bestow I never fully understand
It's too great for me to know But I always try to bring I try to bring You everything

I Know Who I Am

But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. - 2 Cor 12:9

As I read this verse today, my first thought was "What a relief! God can use me despite my weaknesses." But the more I meditated on these words and other verses about weakness (Zech 4:6, 1 Cor 1:25, 27, Matt 5:3), the more I began to realize that the more significant message here is this: that God cannot use me if I will not admit my weaknesses. And I began to see the true difference between these points.

In order to do the work of God with any degree of success, we must have a sense of our own weakness. There is simply no room in His army for the arrogant or self-sufficient. We are fallen and in need of His mercy; serial sinners, incapable of anything good apart from Him. We are broken, and able to find healing only by His grace. We are too weak to win in battle on our strength alone. But when rely on Him--on His might--then we can be victorious.

Sure, there's nothing trendy about admitting one's weaknesses, nor one's brokenness. In fact, most of us spend a great deal of energy and effort trying to cover these up. But God calls us to be bold and humble: to acknowledge our needs, not to hide them. And to lay them at His feet. What He offers in return is freedom. What He offers is more of what we long for--more of Him.

"Mourning over your weakness? Take courage! Your emptiness is but the preparation for your being filled, and your casting down is but the making ready for your lifting up."--Spurgeon

my prayer tonight:

Father, I come to You tonight not only aware of my brokenness, but also thankful to You for it. For I have come to understand that my weaknesses only draw me nearer to You. As I struggle with the sins of the world, the conflicts between flesh and spirit, I am reminded again and again how reliant I am on You...to do good, and to win in battle. Remind me not to rest in my own faith, nor to depend on my own strength, but teach me to be humble and meek and reliant on You. For in You alone will I find victory. In You alone will I be made whole.

I Know Who I Am

I try so hard but I always fall short, so I've faced the truth of my weakness. There's nothing good that I can bring forth, but I stand in the strength of Your presence. I've wasted time always trying to face things alone. But I wait here now and I lay it all down...

I know who I am and I know I'm not able to stand on my own; I can't live all alone. So I'm taking my hands and I'm reaching them out. And I fall down. I fall down for you.

In times of brokenness always You show the depth of love that You bring me. When I'm kneeling down in Your presence I know: Your source of life I'm receiving. I place myself in Your arms that will always lead me. And I won't let go cause there's nowhere else to go.

I don't know why the things I want to do I always run from now. Because I know apart from You there's nothing that I can do where life will become new.

And I know who I am and I know I'm not able to stand on my own; I can't live all alone. So I'm taking my hands and I'm reaching them out, and I know that I'll take everything that's in me and fall down before You.

Jeremy Camp, Speaking Louder Than Before (click to play song)

All That I Need

In my effort to find an copy of the book The Valley of the Vision: A Collection of Puritan Prayers & Devotions on the internet, I stumbled across a collection of worship songs inspired by the book. Just like the prayers themselves, the songs are rich and full of scripture. Short and simple, they get right to the heart of worship: pursuit of our Father and Savior. I connected with one of them while running the other day and played it through three consecutive times on my iPod. It has continued to stream through my head in quiet moments of the days that have followed. I think it's God's way of reminding me that He's All That I Need.

In You is strength to sustain me • And wisdom enough to guide my hand • Mercy enough to forgive me • And power to finish what You began

All that I need is in You, Jesus • The fountain of grace that overflows • All that I need is in You, Jesus • You are my only hope • You are my only hope

In You is fullness of gladness • And fullness of grace for every need • Rest for the ones who are weary • And beauty surpassing all that we’ve seen

You satisfy my heart • You satisfy my soul • You satisfy my heart • O help me always know

All That I Need, Stephen Altrogge, Valley of Vision

A Prayer for the New Year

Mom came to visit for the weekend and shared with me a book of Puritan Prayers, The Valley of Vision. After she and Tristan went to bed tonight, I found some quiet time to read a few pages of these eloquent prayers. I stumbled upon one titled "New Year", appropriately timed and perfect to share. Every line of this prayer was a blessing to me at this year end turning point. As you launch into the unknown waters of 2009, may it bless you as well.

O Lord,

Length of days does not profit me except the days are passed in thy presence, in thy service, to thy glory.

Give me a grace that precedes, follows, guides, sustains, sanctifies, aids every hour, that I may not be one moment apart from thee, but may rely on thy Spirit to supply every thought, speak in every word, direct every step, prosper every work, build up every mote of faith, and give me a desire to show forth thy praise; testify thy love; advance thy kingdom.

I launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year, with thee, O Father, as my harbor; thee, O Son, at my helm; thee O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.

Guide me to heaven with my loins girt, my lamp burning, my ear open to thy calls, my heart full of love, my soul free.

Give me thy grace to sanctify me, thy comforts to cheer me, thy wisdom to teach, thy right hand to guide, thy counsel to instruct, thy law to judge, thy presence to stabilize.

May thy fear be my awe, thy triumphs my joy.

Amen.

Renee's "Top Ten" Lists

2008 was a huge year for me--one that I will never forget! Filled with both trials and tribulations, it was a year marked by growth, change, and reflection. In moments of pain, doubt, and confusion I turned to His Word for comfort and for answers. But I also found insight and instruction in many books, and comfort in many songs, including the ones below. Through the year God was gracious and merciful to bring me out of the pain, to a place of authentic joy and peace. Transformed and renewed, I celebrate His Love today as I share the lists of books & CDs that inspired me most this past year.

Praying that you will feel His presence and receive His blessings in 2009,
Happy New Year,
Renee

Top 10 Books I Read in 2008

10 The Divine Conspiracy, Dallas Willard, 1997 (it’s only last on the list because I’m not quite finished)
9 Dangerous Journey: The Story of Pilgrims Progress, Oliver Hunkin, 1985, (a children’s book- read with Tristan)
8 Soul Revolution, John Burke, 2007
7 Hinds Feet on High Places, Hannah Hurnard, 1955
6 Desires in Conflict, Joe Dallas, 1991
5 Celebration of Discipline, Richard Foster, 1978
4 The Shack, William P. Young, 2007
3 The Knowledge of the Holy, AW Tozer, 1961
2 Pursuit of Holiness and Practice of Godliness, Jerry Bridges, 1978
1 The Bible (I’m currently enjoying “The Chronological Bible”- thanks Mom!)

Earth’s crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God. But only he who sees takes off his shoes; the rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.--Elizabeth Barrett Browning (as quoted in The Shack)

When we are holding on to some sin, we are not pursuing holiness and we cannot have fellowship with God.--Jerry Bridges, The Pursuit of Holiness

The world's version of battle and joy is striving and indulgence. If you walk with God it's an intense battle but authentic joy. The battle will find you but you have to be intentional about the joy.--John Eldridge, Walking with God

Sincere prayer comes from a heart that longs for God to reveal what He desires.--Swindoll, So You Want to Be Like Christ?

To have found God and still to pursue Him is the soul's paradox of love, scorned indeed by the too-easily-satisfied religionist, but justified in happy experience by the children of the burning heart. --A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Our pursuit of God is successful because He is forever seeking to manifest Himself to us--A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God

Top 10 CDs that I Bought in 2008

10 Maná, Arde el Cielo (En Vivo)
9 Eliza Gilkyson, Beautiful World
8 Bebo Norman, Bebo Norman
7 Devin Garza, Every Reason
6 Third Day, Revelation
5 Downhere, Ending is Beginning
4 Aaron Shust, Whispered and Shouted
3 Jeremy Camp, Speaking Louder than Before
2 Rush of Fools, Wonder of the World
1 Tenth Avenue North, Over and Underneath

Your ways are high They're not our own And You are seated at Your throne And it's Your love that gives us hope That You will never let us go --Rush of Fools

Turn me around, pick me up, undo what I've become; Bring me back to the place of forgiveness and grace; I need You, need Your help I can't do this myself; You’re the only one who can undo what I've become--Rush of Fools

At first I am afraid but not because of fear But the Holy of Holies is drawing me near Your voice like thunder shakes the ground I'm on So hide my face in the shadow of Your wings, oh Lord hide my sin from the beauty here before Your throne--Tenth Avenue North

Your love has stolen my heart; Your love has set me apart; Your love is life in my veins; And all my mistakes fade away So find me and stop me and take me, and save me!--Rush of Fools

Consume me with your fire, cleanse me with your rain Purify me, let me glorify your name Wash away my empty past until only Your love remains --Tenth Avenue North